A Cocky Farewell Present

We met in class in first year

We kissed while drinking dark beer

We bonded tight

It felt so right

As she held me near


On exchange from Nordic lands

Love was never in the plans

But what the fuck

We tried our luck!

Holding more than hands


Then one day back home she head

“I’ll leave you a surprise,” she said

“A parting gift…”

“That’s kind of thrift…”

“It’ll make you blush red.”


Soon after, we’d fallen out

Getting gifts was now in doubt

But then they came

On them my name

Gifts that made me shout


There had arrived, without fail

Three bright dildos in my mail

The blue one long

The red one strong

The pink like a tail


‘Go fuck myself’ I had thought

The message of the cocks she’d bought

But I was wrong

About the dong

What was being taught?


I rang so she could explain to me

Why I had these dildos three

She wasn’t irate

“I have no hate…

…you are now set free.”


At the time it didn’t make sense

Even now I don’t get it; hence

Wearing my fleece

I wrote this piece

…am I being dense?


A gift’s a gift I suppose

Though I would’ve preferred clothes

And to this day

I do still say

Why…why the dildos?


Words by Ryan Colsey

Illustration by Olivia Huynh

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