Published on April 29th, 20130
Dream Interpretation Guide
By Yolandi MoonSparkle
Have you been waking up in mad sweats lately, tormented by the puzzling pictures presented in your dreams? Have you been wandering, dazed and dazzled, unable to function as a human being due to the fuzzy cloud of confusion strangling your thoughts and vision? WORRY NO MORE. Find the item from your dream in the list below, and all shall be revealed. You’re welcome.
Aardvark – the appearance of this little armoured creature represents your unwillingness to open up to a new person in your life. It also hints at your past failed attempts to read the dictionary.
Bicycle, fixie – Your dreams are haunted by the ghosts of hipsters past. You wish to speed on through the mire of coolness that dogged your teenage steps, but you are unable to kick your bike into higher gear. Stop talking to pretentious dicks and this dream will fade away.
Car service – get your car serviced.
Dragonfly – You are hovering, hesitating to make a decision that has to be made. You have been skipping between solutions for months, but now you must commit to one path.
Eeeeeeeeeaaaagle – You wish you had a close friendship, like that nurtured between Turk and JD. It’s okay; everyone does.
Fruit hat – The appearance of the fruit hat in a dream is a terrible omen. It indicates a lack of fibre in your diet, and a dependency on artificial fast foods that marks the sharp decline into Diabetes Type II. Eat the hat, the next time it appears.
Gong – Your dreams of being in a superstar rock band have crumbled. Although the Pennywhistle Wailers could once have been an iTunes sensation, the time has passed. A two-week period of Rundle Mall busking should be enough to cleanse your soul of your teenage dreams.
Harry Potter – You are Claire Suzanna Moreton. Hello, Claire.
JAIL – Your addiction to illegally downloading television series is getting out of hand. Your most recent shady acquisition of Game Of Thrones, series three, is probably to blame for this nocturnal terror.
KATE MIDDLETON – The arrival of the duchess represents your more fastidious side. Why is she Catherine-with-a-C and Kate-with-a-K? Dwelling on small things in life will put a serious strain on your mental health.
LIMPETS – You are needy, and people are beginning to be irritated by your clinginess. Let go.
MACARENA, THE – Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena / Que tu cuerpo es pa’ darle alegria cosa buena / Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena / Heeey, Macarena!
NUMBAT – This little guy is just in your dreams because he’s so darn cute. Chill out, homie. Not everything is deep and ttly srs.
ORIGIN ENERGY – Doorknock sales representatives that stalk the astral plane are the worst. No matter what you do to get rid of them, they’ll stick around. Good luck.
PIE – is a symbol of purest evil. You are in great danger.
QUARTZ – is a girl’s second-best friend. You are feeling inadequate, but hey – you’re still a (semi-)precious stone. Treasure yourself more.
Roadkill – There are a number of ways for roadkill to appear in your dreams:
If you are running over the animal, it means you are a terrible person who relishes confrontation with weaker foes. Find healthier hobbies for self-validation. Craft would be good for you.
If you find the roadkill, then you have hidden anxieties about being the first person at the scene of a crime.
If you are eating the roadkill, you need to examine your diet.
Siesta – If you are dreaming about sleep, you seriously need to relax. Play whale tapes at night for a siesta by the seashore.
TOTO – You are not in Kansas, you have never been in Kansas, and, in all honesty, you will never go to Kansas.
UMBRELLA – The umbrella is a sign of your fluctuating sense of security. Sometimes, you are open, sometimes you are tightly bound. Keep in mind that umbrellas are most useful when fully unfurled.
VAGINAS – You like the ladies.
WEEVIL – One weevil is a sign of more weevils to come. Your problems are about to snowball.
Xylophone – Your anxiety over your primary school band performance is now unwarranted. No one else remembers that F# you hit at the crucial point in Jingle Bells back in 1999.
YOGURT, NATURAL – Is a dream sign of a relationship in your life going sour. If a friend of yours is seen eating yogurt in a dream, it is this friend you should avoid.
ZAZA, KARIM – This goalie is watching your back. Take some risks and see.
The missING letter – If the missed letter is dogging your dreams, you shouldn’t be reading UniLife Magazine before you go to bed.