ARIES: Flower Shop Lady (Mar 21 – Apr 20)
Always smells nice; lets their pet walk all over them; a little slow.
TAURUS: Mike (Apr 21 – May 21)
Terrible at telling stories; struggles to juggle their relationships.
GEMINI: Lisa (May 22 – June 21)
Tears people apart; gets bored easily; lies to make things interesting; unconcerned.
CANCER: Johnny (June 22 – July 23)
Wears convertible clothing; ambitious; misunderstood; is fed up with this world.
LEO: The Football (July 24 – Aug 23)
Appears out of nowhere; tries to be the life of the party.
VIRGO: Peter (Aug 24 – Sep 23)
Provides solid advice; compassionate, but also very clumsy.
LIBRA: Steven (Sep 24 – Oct 23)
Worries a little too much; wants to know everything and anything.
SCORPIO: Claudette (Oct 24 – Nov 22)
Has an ego too big for their own good; doesn’t believe in true love; involves themselves in everything.
SAGITTARIUS: Denny (Nov 23 – Dec 21)
Likes to watch people; will throw a football at you; tends to always third wheel.
CAPRICORN: Chris R (Dec 22 – Jan 20)
Always impatient; thinks they’re really hard, but is actually a real softie.
AQUARIUS: Michelle (Jan 21 – Feb 19)
Consumes too much chocolate; very understanding; a little kinky.
PISCES: Mark (Feb 20 – Mar 20)
Always confused; can’t take a hint; a good friend, maybe; looks great in formal attire.