Come Work For The Whitehouse

Have you ever wanted a job as a high ranking US official? Are you a rich CEO who wants to have the position you used to pay people in? Do you have absolutely no experience or qualifications to be in government? Then apply for the TRUMP™ Administration!

There are new positions available each week, no experience required! And not to worry if the position you were hoping for is unavailable, there are opportunities for each position every few months.

Come and work for the most famous president who has ever lived in all of existence and had the biggest inauguration crown ever, Donald J. Trump™. Under President Trump™, you’ll be given loads of freedom to pursue really whatever you’d like, so long as you follow the administration’s key policy of putting Russia first. So really, like, just do whatever the fuck you want, I mean you won’t be here for lo…..

The writer for this piece was removed from office, the rest of the article will be finished by the Fox employee that took his place.

Rub shoulders with people who have absolutely no faith in their department and get the opportunity to scrap all of your department’s resources as well!

At the TRUMP™ Administration, you’ll get the opportunity to travel as much as you like, with space for your friends as well. In fact there will be thousands of dollars in administration resources available for you to spend on whatever the fuck you want. $31,000 dining set? Just end a youth homelessness program and bingo! There’s your money!

You might even get an opportunity to stay at the luxurious Maralago Resort by TRUMP™. This will give you an excellent chance to meet our funding partners, the NRA. Enjoy a weekend of gold, poolside cocktails, and ignoring the problems of the nation while the NRA fill your pockets with cash to take home with you. Don’t want to leave? No stress! Mr Trump™ is here most of the time anyway!

But what if you come under the chopping block? What if the great leader, TRUMP™, decides that it’s your turn to go? No need to worry, there is a post TRUMP™ support group run by ex-communications director, The Mooch, that is open to anyone who has been fired from the TRUMP™ administration. Here you can bitch about how you were fired over Twitter and how he hasn’t actually spoken to you in 6 months and hasn’t got a fucking clue what he’s doing. This is not only a great way to get things off your chest, but a great way to make friends too!

So apply for the TRUMP™ administration today, short-term work in the Whitehouse is only one angry tweet away!

 

Words by Harrison Davies

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