Ever wanted to know about the wonderful world of dancing, sweating and pole-chaffing? Well buckle up, because ex-stripper Kayla is going to give you a head-to-toe insight into the glamorous world of clothing removal.
So what do you need to do to secure a dirty wad of twenties in your future? Perhaps the first step is a kickin’ stage name.
“I didn’t have a stage name,” Kayla said, “but other girls in the club did, and some of them were really funny.”
Your nom-de-plume should be intriguing and naturally classy. Names that fall into the categories of fruit, cars and gemstones are apparently all winners.
“You’d get some really funny, clever names, and you’d also get some dodgy ones.
“Some of the girls were really picky about being recognized outside of work, so they’d use a stage name.
“Other girls were just picky in general – one girl would only dance for guys she knew were under the age of 23 because she didn’t want her body next to old stuff, but she was hot so she could afford to do that.”
Unlike Kayla, the majority of people don’t have life-long aspirations of stripping, and most girls start out as waitresses.
“While we could earn around a grand a night, the hospitality people in the club would get $80, plus tips.
“Consequently, there’s a pretty quick turnover rate for waitresses.”
So, what did a typical night involve I hear you say? Well listen up, because I’m about to give you the low-down.
“You’d get in for about 8.30pm, do your hair and makeup and be on the boards by 9pm sharp.
“If you were working Thursday-Saturday you’d be going the whole night, without a break, until around 5am.
“You were constantly rotated though, so you’d spend about 30 minutes on the podium and then you’d go out into the crowd and do lap dances, or go out the back and do a private dance.”
If you’re anything like me you’d assume there’d be some training involved before they saddled you up, but alas no, you’re sent out there to free-fall.
“Where I worked there was no training, they basically just patted me on the back and said go talk to someone.
“It was a bit daunting, learning on the job like that. But you learn bloody quickly, and to be honest if I ever got really desperate I just did the chicken dance.”
Kayla said that she didn’t just learn how to dance, but how to deal with clients as well.
“You get heckled a lot, like all the time.
“I’m not a heavy girl, but I was larger than the others and on one of my first nights the guy I was grinding said it was nice they let bigger girls in.
“Most of the time I’d just keep my cool and be like, ‘Yeah whatever, you’re a wanker’.
“But every now and then you’d get called a slut or whore and I’d just go ballistic – they’re the ones paying me to dance!
“I have to say that the girls were worse than the guys; we shared a bathroom with the female customers and they were just really crude.
“One night I did a dance for this guy and his girlfriend was sitting next to him, and because she didn’t want me stripping on him she got really nasty and started picking out my physical flaws to my face!
“I was like, ‘Well if you didn’t want someone dancing with him, why did you bring him here? Idiot’.”
Jessica Beal did it in Flashdance, Natalie Portman’s gone there and Jessica Alba’s taken her gear off.
So if stripping’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for me.
For more details and an in-your-face account of the industry, visit your local club.