Words by Tabitha Lean
Feature image by Mitch Ingham
I can’t bring myself to
tell him that every day,
I will my heart to
move on,
to forget,
but still, it waits for him–
with every single beat,
it waits.
It searches for him
in every crowd,
on every street,
in every queue.
It steers me to
the places he loves–
to his favourite sculpture,
his favourite store,
his favourite café–
all the while playing
his favourite tunes
over and over again.
I imagine his laughter,
I see the little crease at his eyes
when he smiles.
the tilt of his head as
he leans in to kiss me.
I feel the weight of
his hand on my thigh
when I’m driving.
I look over to the empty
seat convinced I can feel
the heat of his gaze.
It seems I can’t forget him,
for he is everywhere I go–
he walked out
but the love never did
–that’s the cruellest of tricks.
He could have
at least taken
the love with him
when he left.
I guess I’m being unfair–
it was my decision
for our love affair to end,
it was me that said goodbye.
But there are days
when I forget why–
when I wake up and
I’m so angry at him
for letting me go.
Days where grief
grips my throat
choking the life
out of me.
Nights where the
fire has left my lips,
and the will and fight
has left my soul.
So, here we are–
great gusts of wind blowing
between us and all around us.
And the cosmos,
well the cosmos
sent madam karma
and she’s laughing
great, big roars of laughter.
Laughter so loud that everyone else
thinks it’s the sound of thunder
clouds chasing the storm,
and we’re all out here
bracing for the
rain to fall.
And while everyone
is cursing the weather man
for getting it so wrong,
and tucking their umbrellas
back in their bags,
I’m sitting here
with the precipitation
falling from my eyes
because I’ve made a mistake.
I let him go
when all I wanted
was to pull him close.
And now I’m left
with karma’s laugh,
and the thunder clouds
and the pouring rain
and memories of what
could have been,
should have been
and used to be.
Regret, like karma…
she’s a bitch.
This piece was originally published in Edition 36 of Verse. View it in its original PDF form via ISSUU.
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