Poetry: Karma’s Joke

Words by Tabitha Lean

Feature image by Mitch Ingham

I can’t bring myself to

tell him that every day, 

I will my heart to 

move on,

to forget, 

but still, it waits for him– 

with every single beat,

it waits. 

It searches for him 

in every crowd,

on every street,

in every queue.

It steers me to 

the places he loves–

to his favourite sculpture,

his favourite store,

his favourite café–

all the while playing

his favourite tunes

over and over again.  

I imagine his laughter,

I see the little crease at his eyes

when he smiles.

the tilt of his head as

he leans in to kiss me. 

I feel the weight of 

his hand on my thigh 

when I’m driving. 

I look over to the empty

seat convinced I can feel 

the heat of his gaze.

It seems I can’t forget him, 

for he is everywhere I go–

he walked out 

but the love never did

–that’s the cruellest of tricks. 

He could have 

at least taken  

the love with him

when he left.  

I guess I’m being unfair– 

it was my decision

for our love affair to end,

it was me that said goodbye. 

But there are days 

when I forget why–

when I wake up and 

I’m so angry at him 

for letting me go.

Days where grief

grips my throat

choking the life

out of me.

Nights where the

fire has left my lips,

and the will and fight

has left my soul.

So, here we are–

great gusts of wind blowing 

between us and all around us.

And the cosmos, 

well the cosmos 

sent madam karma 

and she’s laughing 

great, big roars of laughter.

Laughter so loud that everyone else

thinks it’s the sound of thunder 

clouds chasing the storm,

and we’re all out here 

bracing for the 

rain to fall. 

And while everyone 

is cursing the weather man 

for getting it so wrong, 

and tucking their umbrellas 

back in their bags,

I’m sitting here

with the precipitation

falling from my eyes

because I’ve made a mistake.

I let him go

when all I wanted 

was to pull him close.

And now I’m left 

with karma’s laugh,

and the thunder clouds

and the pouring rain

and memories of what 

could have been, 

should have been

and used to be.

Regret, like karma…

she’s a bitch.