If that Facebook post your auntie shared is anything to go by, Afterpay will bring about the demise of us all. Thanks to this capitalist trap, our generation can now spend even more on material goods without actually earning the money to afford them. This could end up leaving every young person vulnerable to debt and stern
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s your Macca’s meal deal being transported via an Uber Elevate hovercraft! As technology evolves, people devolve; a point highlighted by the fact that we’re now not only too lazy to cook food, but too lazy to go get it. The faster Uber Eats expands, the faster we will forget how the human body is even supposed to move. Eventually we will spend our remaining days bedridden, reduced to washing our 800-pound whale-like bodies with a rag on a stick.
The year is 2030 and the market has crashed so badly that houses are now valued at merely
Instagram hiding likes
Earlier this year, Instagram decided it would hide the number of likes visible on people’s posts, leaving thousands of ‘influencers’ without… influence? With people now not knowing which European model to vicariously ‘live through’, panic will ensue and before we know it, society as a whole will descend into total anarchy. It’s projected that if Instagram doesn’t stop hiding like figures, users will start using Myspace again – a truly cataclysmic outcome.
We’re breaking the fourth wall for this one. Students have reportedly become so hooked on reading Verse that the magazine has been classified by ASIO as more addictive than heroin, morphine and listening to ABBA combined. Reports have emerged revealing that readers are dying of starvation as they’re refusing to eat or do anything other than
Words by Ryan Colsey
Illustrations by Oliver White
This piece was originally published in Edition 31.